January 11, 2005

2:03 am.
It's been raining for three days straight and I have yet to even smell it. Perhaps proving to me how distracted I've been. I know I'll have to stop writing soon, at least for the night. But while it lasts I'll take it. Deep breath and I want to cry. For all the moments lost. All the love and excitement I had for something so fake. I don't feel it. Or maybe what I feel I just don't know because I haven't written it down. But geez. These emotions I've been hiding, suffocating. This deep red coming through my blue. The pain and anger that interrupted my calm facade. But that's all it ever was: a facade. Turns out a lot in my life is a fallacy. Any thing I came to love and appreciate is at least. So f*** me. I'm going to lather myself in cold lotion. And fall asleep to dream the strange dreams I've been having lately.